What If
by anythinglikeiwrite
Summary: The word no kept repeating in his mind, thoughts about what could have happened racing in his head. He wouldn't lose her, he couldn't. In his mind, there wasn't a world that didn't exist where he was alive and okay, and Hailey wasn't. He wouldn't exist if Hailey were not here. - Inspired by 7x04


"Thank god it's Friday," Kevin groaned, setting his beer down at the table they were gathered around. They closed a case yesterday, and today was full of paperwork, allowing them to actually clock out like normal people.

"I'll drink to that," Hailey saidfrom Jay's right. He turned to look at his partner, thanking whoever heard it silently she was his again. It had been their first case as partners again, a thought that made him secretly happy. While he didn't mind being partnered with Kim, or anyone else, they weren't Hailey.

"We should do something fun," Kim said, taking the empty barstool by Kevin.

"Like what?" he asked, feeling like he needed to contribute to the conversation. "It's not like we get very many free weekends off. And Voight won't let us all off."

"Okay buzzkill," Kim shot at him. He heard Hailey laughing beside him, prompting him to shoot her a glare.

"She's not wrong, Jay," she said, nudging him to emphasize her point. He rolled his eyes at her in response, earning another laugh from her. There was never a time where he could ever be mad at her, something she knew.

"You were saying Kim?" Hailey asked, turning back towards the other woman.

"I don't know. Just something fun. We never get to have fun."

No one could argue with her. With their line of work, they celebrated days like today when they got off early, and on a Friday with a weekend off.

"What about the Bears game tomorrow?" Kevin suggested. "I know a guy who could get us a good deal on tickets."

"You always know a guy," he said, this time earning a glare from Kevin.

"Says the man who seems to know someone in every department of the CPD."

Jay just laughed, because he wouldn't deny it. He did always have a guy.

"Could we do that?" Kim asked. "The game is tomorrow afternoon."

"Could be fun," Hailey interjected. "See if anyone from 51 wanted to join, or Med. Would Will want to come?"

"He's working tomorrow," Jay said, the idea now appealing. He couldn't remember the last time he went to a Bears game, or any game at all.

"Hey Kelly," he said, spotting the squad lieutenant walking by.

"What's up?" Kelly asked, stopping to lean on the end of their table.

"Are you guys on shift tomorrow?" Kim asked.

"No, not until Monday. What's up?"

"Kevin knows a guy," Hailey said, causing Jay to turn to her. "And can get tickets to the Bears game tomorrow."

"Girl don't be telling my secrets," Kevin shot back at her, causing everyone to laugh.

"If you're offering, Stella and I are in," Kelly said, turning around. "Casey!"

Next thing they knew, they had a plan for tomorrow, and Kevin had tickets waiting for them at will call. Their table of four had grown, Jay to giving up his seat to Sylvie who joined them. He shuffled back to lean on the wall behind Hailey, which in theory seemed like a good idea, but in reality, not so much.

Every so often as she turned on the stool, her leg brushed his thigh, an action that he didn't expect to have an effect to. But then as he shifted to avoid any awkward situations, it was her hair that brushed against him every so often. He was encased in a bubble that was everything Hailey.

"Jay!" he heard, his head turning to find Kevin. "Do you want a parking pass? Casey and Severide already claimed two."

"Yeah man, that would be great," he replied, taking another sip of his beer. He felt eyes on him, looking down to find Hailey staring back at him.

"So, you're driving me, right?" she asked. It wasn't much of a question as it was a statement. Of course, he was going to take her, but that didn't stop him from messing with her.

"I don't know," he teased her, not getting far after she smacked him across his abdomen. "You realize it will be early?"

"Yes, but my chauffer will be bringing me coffee I'm sure," she shot back. She knew him too well, of course he was going to get her coffee before.

"I'll pick you up at 11," he told her. "Don't be late."

He couldn't help but smile back at her as she flashed him a smile of her own. This woman would be the death of him.

* * *

He was getting worried since he hadn't heard from Hailey. It had been a little over an hour since he called her, asking to check in on another possible victim. She had told him she would, that she was heading that way, and then was her radio for an ambulance.

Normally while he was in the bullpen, he wouldn't constantly monitor calls over the zone, but with a case of this magnitude, it wouldn't hurt. She sounded okay, and he assumed that the victim just needed to get to med.

He picked up his cell again, pressing her contact and waited for her to pick up. Nothing. The sound of her voicemail message rang in his ears. His next call was to her personal, and while she usually didn't have it on her during work, Jay knew she kept it in her car, which she happened to be driving now. Still nothing.

This was unlike her, he kept repeating in his head. He didn't allow worse case scenarios to enter his mind, allowing his work to keep him focused.

Jay wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard his phone ring. Quickly grabbing it, his heart fell a little to see his brother's name on the screen and not Hailey's. He answered it anyways, hoping maybe Will found something out that could be helpful.

"Hey man," he answered, leaning back in his chair. He felt the headache forming between his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes the pain would stop.

"Jay," Will said, his tone sharp and serious. Something was wrong, he could feel it, but he wouldn't allow his anxiety about Hailey to keep him off balance.

"Where are you?"

"District," Jay answered. "Trying to find some connection between victims."

"You need to get down here," Will explained. Jay sat up straight, he could hear the worry in his brother's voice. He barely let Will elaborate before grabbing his jacket and heading towards his truck.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked. He was already worried about Hailey, he didn't need to be worried about Will too. There had been a voice inside his head all day nagging him about Will and his safety, knowing that his brother was at risk for contracting whatever the hell this was.

"I'm okay," Will told him, his voice becoming softer. "It's Hailey…"

Jay felt his heart drop to his stomach. The word no kept repeating in his mind, thoughts about what could have happened racing in his head. He wouldn't lose her, he couldn't. In his mind, there wasn't a world that didn't exist where he was alive and okay, and Hailey wasn't. He wouldn't exist if Hailey were not here.

"I'm on my way," was all he said, turning the lights and sirens on before he left the parking lot of the district. His mind went into overdrive as he thought about everything that could have happened to Hailey: car crash, gunshot wound, knocked unconscious, the list went on. He refused to think that something related to what they were fighting, because they had seen first-hand the damage this was doing to people and their families.

Every memory with Hailey began flashing before his eyes, his body on autopilot as he drove the familiar route between the district and Med. Every time he spent time at her house, sitting around the island whatever they chose to drink that night. Every stakeout where the teasing between them was their only source of entertainment for the day. Every moment when he felt like he was working up the nerve to tell her he was falling for her, something neither of them didn't want to do again. But he couldn't help it, because Hailey made him a better man and brought a light into his life he hasn't seen in a long time.

He pulled his truck in front of Med, barely shutting it off before opening the door, the shouts of reporters greeting him from behind the barricade. He tried schooling his features, not wanting to be caught on camera looking panicked and scared, two emotions that boiled inside him. But the second he entered the ED, he felt the façade drop, allowing himself to be a concerned partner rather than a police officer on a mission.

"Detective," he heard, looking ahead to find one of the nurses walking towards him.

"Hey, my brother called?" he asked, not wanting to voice the real reason he was here. If he did, it would be come too real and he wasn't prepared to face that yet.

"Just a second," she said, picking up a phone to track down his brother. It didn't take long before he heard his name from a voice so familiar it calmed him slightly.

"Jay," Will said, rounding the corner. Jay looked over his brother, first noting that he looked okay, healthy as always.

"Where is she?" he asked, cursing himself for his voice breaking slightly. Will just nodded his head, taking him down a corridor he had never been down, despite all the times he had been here.

"Will," he said, letting his guard down in front of his brother. Will stopped then, turning around to find his younger brother unmoving, slight fear in his eyes.

"She's alive," Will began, walking back towards Jay.

"What happened?" Jay asked, needing to know what he was about to walk into. It concerned him that Will wasn't leading him towards a room in the ED, or up to where the admitted patients were. He was heading into the unknown, literally and figuratively, and that was something he hadn't experience since the last time he was in Afghanistan. That feeling made it easier to be a cop after being a Ranger, because as a cop, they always knew where they were going. In Afghanistan, there was nothing but valleys and barren land that held so many unknowns.

"A victim collapsed on her, causing blood from the infected site to transfer to Hailey," Will explained. "There was a small scrape on her finger, but it is enough to concern us that the bacteria could have entered into her system."

"What?" Jay breathed out. This was Hailey they were talking about, the woman that was fearless and never let anything keep her from doing her job. And now, she was somewhere in this hospital potentially infected.

"She hasn't shown symptoms yet. She's in quarantine now, we're just waiting for cultures to come back."

"Can I see her?" he asked, not caring anymore how his voice broke. He needed to see she was okay.

"Yeah," Will said, but before he moved, he wrapped his arms around his brother, allowing both to find comfort in the small gesture with the weight of the day looming over them. They were all each other had, something that hit stronger now as they just remembered the anniversary of their dad's death. They needed them both to be okay, to make it out of this alive.

"Come on," Will said softly, his hand on Jay's back as he nudged his brother forward. He needed that push as he feared he would find the worst when he saw Hailey. He couldn't lose someone else in his life, and he knew he wouldn't survive losing her.

* * *

He saw her before she saw him. It was different, seeing her in brown scrubs that did nothing for her and isolated in a way that was unlike anything he had seen. There was nothing more he wanted to do than run up to her and hug her so tightly he was sure he would crush her. If he could, he would gladly take her place, isolate himself and expose himself to whatever this was if it meant she would be okay.

He watched her look around at the others, whether they were potential victims or people like his brother trying to help. It didn't take a genius to know that she wanted to help, because that's who she was, but there was nothing she could do. She was as helpless as he felt in this moment, he was sure of it.

"Hailey," he said softly, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice.

He felt relief in his chest as she turned around. It wasn't until then that he realized how much he needed to see her face, to see that she was okay. It also wasn't until then that he realized how gorgeous she was to him: those blue eyes that bore into his soul, her expressive face that told him everything he needed to know, the dimples that weren't there but came out whenever he said something stupid. Physically, she was okay, and it gave him some confidence to walk out of here and do his job, for her.

"Hey," she said, walking back towards him.

"Did you finish interviewing the lab personnel yet?" she asked. Straight to business as always, but he knew she needed a distraction.

"Yeah, no red flags," he explained. "We're checking alibis."

"What about people who had access to the lab? Vendors, security guards, cleaning staff."

If they weren't in this situation, he would be proud of her quick thinking. Not that he wasn't proud of her, he always was, but she's clearly been thinking of the case to keep her mind off of everything happening here.

"The lab keeps an electronic visitor log-in," he told her. "So, we're just going through it."

They stood in silence, Hailey nodding as she took in the information. She didn't look scared, but she was good at hiding her emotions. Inside, he was sure her mind was going a million places about whatever this was, and what it would do to her.

He had to stop thinking about that, because he couldn't lose another partner, and especially one as special as Hailey. He wasn't going through that again, because as much as Erin leaving hurt, something told him that Hailey leaving would be worse. It may be the thing that breaks him entirely.

He watched her turn around to find another potential victim get taken into isolation.

"Aw, man," she mumbled as he followed her gaze. One person soon turned into a line of people, all like her, all seemingly okay. But she was the only one he cared about.

Turning back to her, he caught her eyes, his mind switching back to the case. He needed the distraction as much as she did, and if he could solve this and help save her, he would give his life to do so.

"All right, I'm gonna get back to the case, but the second I hear anything, I'll report back."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," he heard her say before turning around to walk away. One more second there and he was sure he would break down. Hailey couldn't see him that way right now, he wouldn't let her.

"Jay," he heard her say before he could get too far. He turned back, finding her still standing where she was.

"Yeah?" he asked, walking back towards her.

"Stay safe," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Those blue eyes stared back at him and for the first time in the years he's known her, he saw fear. This strong woman, the one that proved she was capable of doing her job better than anyone, was scared.

"I will," he promised her, his hand instinctively reaching out to her. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but he watched her eyes move to his hand, wondering herself what he was doing. Before he could move it, she uncrossed one arm, reaching out to him. Their hands met in the middle, despite the plastic barrier between them. Even while he couldn't feel her skin, being able to feel her in some way made the ache in his chest disappear a little, and that was enough for now.

"I'll be back," he promised again, this time able to walk out without having to turn back around. This time, he felt like everything would be okay.

* * *

He knew before they did, and it took a lot not to just scream at everyone in the bullpen she was okay. She didn't want a fuss, she never did. The text came in a half hour ago and he could see her smiling behind her phone.

_All clear. I'm heading to get clean clothes and then I'll be at the district. _

That had been close to 30 minutes ago, so any second she should be walking up those stairs, and as if on cue, he heard it, the buzz of the gate. He heard her soft footsteps and second later he saw her blonde hair with those perfectly messy waves. She nodded at Adam as he stood from her desk, walking to stand beside Adam's desk.

"Ah, there she is," Kevin said, standing to greet her. "You alright?"

He watched her hug him back, silently wishing he would get a hug from her, but not now. There were bigger things.

"Flesh-eating bacteria free," she joked, but he knew she was hiding the fear from earlier. She was lucky, beyond lucky, and Jay felt that too. He was lucky because she was okay.

"Glad you're okay," Rojas said.

"Thanks," Hailey replied, smiling at her new roommate. She turned towards him and Voight, who now stood beside him.

"Then you're okay to work?" Voight asked. Jay stayed silent, knowing she didn't need anything from him. There would be time for that later.

"Yeah, all set," she replied.

"Good," Kim jumped in. "We got something guys."

Back to business and he was relived. His eyes followed Hailey's movements as she walked towards Kim, leaning behind the brunette.

"I got a blue pickup truck, two blocks away from the apartment, right in our time frame," Kim explained as he leaned on Rojas' desk. "And check this out."

"HAZMAT suit," Hailey said.

"Huh, license plate?" Voight asked. The rapid typing of keys distracted everyone long enough for him to steal another glance at Hailey, still in disbelief that she was here and okay.

"LEADS has the vehicle registered to Mersh Equipment Vehicle and Rental," Kim finished.

"You and Ruzek, let's go," Voight said, and for once Jay was glad, he wasn't being sent out, likely a first for his career. He wanted a second alone with Hailey, to check in with her and see how she really was doing.

He caught her eye quickly, reading her to understand what she was telling him. Nodding in response, he followed her to the locker room, not bothering to see what anyone else was doing. He didn't care, neither of them did. He just wanted a second with her.

As he followed her into the locker room, he closed the door behind him before turning to face his partner. He barely had a second to look at her before a mass of blond hair was in his face, the smell of everything that made Hailey, _Hailey, _assaulting his senses. Her arms wrapped around him, squeezing tightly almost like she was scared to let go of him.

Wrapping his own arms around her frame, one hand cradling the back of her head, he held her tightly, reveling the feel of skin touching his. He felt her nose brush against the exposed skin of his neck, something he didn't want to have as much of an effect on him as it was. If he didn't know better, he would think she was trying to bury herself in him, and he would let her if that meant protecting her.

"Hailey," he whispered, his voice breaking like it did with Will. He felt her shake her head, signaling she just wanted the silence. That was okay with him, he was content to stand here all day.

He wasn't sure how long they stood there before she let go, stepping back to give them some space. Just like at the hospital, his hand moved on its own accord, reaching up to cup her face. Hailey didn't move, she just let him reach for her, her head tilting into his hand. He brushed his thumb on her cheek, finding a lone tear falling from her eyes.

"You're okay," he whispered. "We're going to get this guy."

She nodded, giving him a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. Hailey was trying to put on a brave face, or as much as she could considering an hour ago, she was in quarantine. Around everyone else, she may detach and worry about herself and him, but her guard was always down around him. And she was slowing bringing down his own for her.

* * *

In all his years from the military and being a cop, he never thought such a weight would be lifted off his shoulders when he heard a gunshot. All he could tell was it came from across the way, from the other roof where he trusted Hailey to be.

The next thing he knew, the door slammed open and three more shots went off, hitting Seldon in rapid succession. The man went down instantly, and with him, the bottle in his hand with the virus. This had to have been what Hailey felt, he thought. But it was now over, there was no more worrying about it all. They got the guy, everything was fine.

He thinks once more about his partner, remembering that she was likely the one on the rooftop across the way. Stepping into the broken window, he gives a thumbs up, despite squinting from the sun. But she was there, that he could tell. He knew it without having to ask Voight or anyone for clarification.

"Jay, you good?" he heard his brother say. Confused, he turned around, finding Will behind him, a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said, as Will checked Seldon's pulse. Jay knew he was dead before he hit the ground, but Will confirming it hit home that this was all over. He looked at Voight then, nodding sharply, confirming that this was all done. It was over, they could all go home safe tonight and every victim in Chicago could be saved.

Ten minutes later found him back downstairs, watching Hailey load his rifle back into the truck. During everything, it hadn't occurred to him that they only weapon capable of making that shot was in his truck, and there were only two people capable of doing so: himself and his partner.

He wouldn't lie, he stopped himself to watch her put it back in the case, checking everything as he would to ensure it was ready to go the next time they needed it. She was as meticulous as he would be, and even while he would clean it and check it later for some peace of mind, he appreciated her doing exactly as he would.

"Hey," he said, not wanting to scare her. She turned around, her normal on the job smile spreading across her face.

"Hey yourself," she said, walking towards him. "You good?"

He just nodded, leaning against the truck as he felt the adrenaline begin to wear off. They stood in silence for a moment, just taking a second to remind themselves that they were both okay, and this nightmare of a case was over.

"Can I?" Hailey asked, breaking the silence and his thoughts. She didn't have to elaborate, he knew what she wanted. He just nodded, holding his left arm out, letting her see the bandage covering the spot where he himself was almost infected. Warm fingertips traced the edges of the white gauze before sliding down to grasp his hand, something that wasn't exactly a first for them, but it was a first for them on the job.

He looked up then, blue eyes meeting green as they just stared at each other, letting everything except their words do the talking. It was another one of their things, one of the things that made them work so well.

"I'm okay," he told her, squeezing her hand lightly. She gave him another one of her smiles, the ones she had for him he swore, making his heart lighter in the moment.

"We're okay," she replied, her unspoken words repeating something he said all those months ago. Even while her words implied it and his brain repeated it, something made him say it out loud to her.

"We're always gonna be good," he told her once again. It may be under different circumstances now, but it applied. It would always apply.

"As long as you have my back," she said softly.

"Always," he said, and that may be been the truest thing he had ever spoken.

* * *

He spotted his brother quickly, sitting at the bar where Will told him he would be. A week ago, they had a different reason for this meeting, but now it was more than that. A week ago, they planned to come here, to this hole in the wall around the corner from where they grew up to remember their father's death. Now it turned into celebrating the fact they survived this infection.

The bar had a lot of memories for them, but to Jay, there was only one that stood out the most. To him, it's one of the few things his dad did right in his life, and that was meeting his mom. The emotions that flooded him in that moment were a lot to take in, and he found himself being drawn to his brother's presence in hopes it would calm him down a little.

"Hey," he said, taking a seat beside Will. His brother looked up, sliding a glass of what he assumed was whiskey over.

"You've got some catching up to do," Will shot at him. Jay chuckled, knowing it wouldn't take long.

"It's in our blood," he said, and the heaviness of the statement wasn't lost on him at the moment. "Thank god that's the only thing."

"I'll drink to that," Will mumbled, picking up his own drink and throwing what was left back. Jay quickly did the same, needing the slight burn from whiskey to calm him. His mind was going a thousand directions and he just wanted everything to slow down for a few minutes.

They sat in silence as they ordered another round as Jay let his mind wander. Everything from this case to the memories in this bar. He thought about everything he could have lost today: his brother, Hailey, his own life, all of it. He flashed back to last year, as it all seemed familiar to him, and rightly so. A year ago, he lost his father, leaving behind the regret he felt when he looked at the photo of his parents, he and Will in his bedroom. A year ago, he pushed Hailey so far away from him and into Adam's arms. He experienced every emotion, shame, regret, fear, but also hope, relief, compassion. So much happened, but tonight, he wanted to forget.

"How are you feeling?" Will asked then, providing Jay the distraction he wanted.

"Honestly," he began, swirling the whiskey around in his glass. "I don't know."

"I feel that," replied his brother. "Today was a lot."

Jay could only nod, not feeling strong enough to voice everything on his mind.

"But it's over," Will continued. "Tomorrow is a new day for us, for this city."

Jay looked around the bar then, nothing how true Will's words were. Anyone could walk in here now and they wouldn't know what this city had just been through. But that was Chicago, the city that bounced back and healed together.

He thanked the bartender once more, his mind registering the chatter around the bar and the relaxed state everyone seemed to be in.

"Look at this man," he said suddenly, gazing around the crowded bar they were in.

"What?"Will asked.

"Life," he stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He locked eyes with his brother, who nodded in response.

"It's a crazy thing," Will commented before setting his drink down.

"Makes you think…" he began before trailing off. He knew his statement wouldn't be lost on his brother, and as he looked at Will, he saw the question before Will could say anything.

"I know what you mean," Will said. "The what ifs don't leave you."

Jay nodded, fully understanding what Will was saying. His mind had been working overtime since nearly being infected himself. If he was being honest, the what if's started when he got that call from Will. What if he lost Hailey? What if he lost his brother? What if he died? What if he never told Hailey how he felt?

What if he did?

"You can't think like that," Will continued. "It consumes you if you do. All I could think over and over was what was the last thing I said to you, before you left the lab? Would I lose my brother nearly a year after my dad?"

"I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I thought the same thing, seeing you on that lab floor, not knowing if you were alive or not. That's your second major head wound in three months. And then everything with Hailey…"

"How is she?" Will asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Alright," Jay answered. "I asked her to join us, but I think the adrenaline had worn off and she just wanted to take it easy."

"Understandable," said Will. "It's been a crazy few days. It's not a great feeling."

"What isn't?"

"To see the person you love nearly die."

Jay didn't know how to respond, he couldn't. Partially because he was scared to admit to even Will, his own brother, just how deep his feelings for Hailey really went, but also, because he didn't want to admit that his brother was right.

It hit him in that moment how close they both came to it all, and his mind went back to all the what if's. What if he never got to partner with her again? What if he never got to tell her how he felt, tell her he loved her? What if he never got to take her on a date, on vacation, where he would propose to her? What if he never got to hear her tell him she was pregnant, hear the sounds of their baby cry, laugh, talk? His mind was flooded with thoughts of little blue eyed, brown hair kids running around, freckles dotting their faces wearing her smile.

That was how close he came, he realized. There was so much he almost lost, so much more than he realized at the time. Before, he only expected to lose his brother, his partner or his life. He didn't thing about the other stuff, the things that were arguably more important, even when they hadn't happened.

"Get out of here," Will said, throwing some cash onto the bar. He laughed, not wanting to give Will the satisfaction of being right.

"You should take your own advice you know," he told him. Will just gave him a look and Jay knew it was a touchy subject.

"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't wait forever," Jay said. "I'm not."

* * *

**Hi friends! I realize it has been a bit since the crossover, but life has been busy. I finally finished this and wanted to get this out! At the moment, I am working on other stories and if everyone else wants it, I'll keep doing these little one-shots inspired by the episodes, because honestly I love writing them! **

**Until next time! **


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